How To Be More Empathetic
The power of empathy in leadership
Empathy has always been an essential skill for leaders, yet for all those leaders who are naturally empathetic, there are just as many (if not more) leaders who find it challenging.
Empathy in leadership fosters trust and cultivates an atmosphere where individuals feel valued, heard, and understood.
Instead of solely focusing on targets and outcomes, empathetic leaders genuinely engage with their team members, establishing connections beyond transactional interactions. They prioritise understanding their needs to enhance performance.
However, for leaders who thrive in fast-paced environments and prioritise achievement, empathy may not rank high on their priority list.
It may not seem like the key to securing the next big deal or meeting the next deadline. Our brains are wired to avoid discomfort, and taking the time to slow down and talk with someone about how they are doing risks opening up a deeper conversation that when operating at pace, few time crunched leaders have time for.
It's not uncommon for managers to overlook or downplay the emotions of their team members, occasionally opting to ignore them altogether. But while this approach may offer short-term relief from discomfort, it erodes the foundation of trust and openness in the long run.
And when individuals don't feel safe expressing themselves at work, they will focus on self-preservation rather than prioritising the overarching needs of the business. And the human trait of viewing others mistakes as character flaws, while excusing our own as circumstantial can perpetuate this cycle.
Leaders are role models, and their behaviour sets the tone for their team - being heavily watched and heavily replicated. Teams will mirror the empathy and openness demonstrated by their leaders. And so for leaders who exhibit limited empathy should anticipate similar behaviour from their team members. If you want your team to be forthcoming about their challenges, you must be open with them first.
“Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place.”
Daniel Pink
Empathy plays a crucial role in managing conflicts and disagreements by helping cultivate understanding and respect for differing perspectives. Ed Batista of Stanford University emphasises how small misunderstandings can be the foundation for many conflicts, and highlights the importance of empathetic understanding.
In this five minute video discussing the strategic importance of empathy, his reference to the line from Jean Renoir’s film The Rules of the Game has a certain truth: “The awful thing about life is this: everyone has their reasons.”
And it is part of a leaders work to understand why a person is acting a certain way and what their reasons are, and to use this understanding to move forward. This happens through empathy.
Acknowledging and validating team members feelings and struggles doesn't undermine a leader's ability to manage or hold them accountable. In fact it enables them to feel heard and understood, actually increasing motivation and encouraging performance improvement.
For those who aren’t naturally empathetic, building more empathy will likely take effort and energy. However, simple actions like listening attentively and being present for your team members can bring significant benefits over time.
Awareness and a little practice goes a long way to improving leadership empathy.
Here are five things to to help you get started:
Model: Nursing scholar, Theresa Wiseman defined four attributes of empathy; perspective taking, staying out of judgement, recognising emotion in others and communicating back the emotion you see:
Ask yourself:
How often do you actively listen to team members without jumping to conclusions?
What can you do to better understand the underlying reasons behind your team members behaviours?
How can you be empathetic in your approach to addressing them?
Watch: This super short animation (2 min 53 seconds) describes well the difference between empathy and sympathy and give tips on how to show more of the former.
Take a watch, then ask yourself the questions below:
How often do you slip from empathy into sympathy?
What drives that?
What can you put in place to remind you to not to start ‘at least-ing’?
Focus: Recognising where you are starting from is important. By pinpointing the automatic habits or thought patterns that take place when communicating with a team member, you can start to catch them in the moment.
Perhaps your internal thoughts might sound something like this:
How can I get out of this conversation, fast?
How hard is it to get this right?
If I don’t say the right thing, I’ll just make it worse.
I really haven’t got time for this right now…
Some of these phrases might sound familiar. If not, pay attention over the next week to the thoughts that emerge when you’re feeling frustrated or faced with a team member needing support.
Once you’ve caught the un-empathetic thought in the moment, what phrase or thought could you replace it with that would better serve you and the person in front of you?
Work: Building empathy for many is a long term project, and when it doesn’t come naturally an everlasting work in progress. Start small and choose one thing that you want to work on. Practice it until it comes naturally, then choose another.
What one thing could you practice, starting today to integrate more empathy into your daily interactions?
What resources or support do you need to further your skills here?
How will you reflect on your empathetic leadership style and seek feedback from your team members on how you can improve?
Listen: Listening is a critical skill to demonstrate empathy, and to truly listen well you need slow down - in fact, stop - everything you are doing and simply listen. Truly listening is what makes someone feel heard. Yet something so simple can be incredibly difficult.
If you need to work on your listening skills, read this for more:
Listen Up
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