How Leaders Can Be More Coach Like
The pitfalls of instant solutions, breaking free from the Ask/Tell Loop + a free download of 20 coaching questions for 121's
For leaders who thrive on working at a fast pace, interactions with those around you likely move swiftly, quickly enabling you to transition from one thing to the next.
Every day, leaders must respond to multiple, rapidly changing situations—often on the fly or under pressure.
Slowing down can be difficult. This challenge often extends to how we conduct meetings with our team members.
Under pressure, our focus tends to be practical, almost superficial - time constraints compel us to state the problem, evaluate options, agree on a solution, and dive into action.
When team members share challenges, our instinct is to provide immediate solutions. You might find yourself saying something like this: "Have you tried...?" "If I were you..." "How about...?"
We're busy, and we often know the answer. Offering quick solutions saves time and ensures the person acts in alignment with our expectations.
It's tempting, and there's logic behind it. It's faster and allows both parties to move forward swiftly. Plus, it boosts our ego and satisfies the team member's need for an immediate solution. It’s a win-win situation, at least in the short term.
However, defaulting to providing answers poses risks. It can foster dependency, leading individuals to rely on you excessively - leading you to getting caught in a loop of ask and tell.
The Ask/Tell Loop
When we simply tell someone how to do something, we miss the opportunity to help them develop problem-solving skills and feel valued. We overlook their existing knowledge and ideas.
Moreover, what's blocking your team member's progress may differ significantly from the obstacles you'd encounter in the same situation. Uncovering these differences is crucial for genuine progress and development.
This is where coaching techniques come in handy. Taking a moment to slow down, asking questions, and listening attentively can help you uncover the root of the problem and empower individuals to find their own solutions.
Incorporating coaching into your leadership toolkit doesn't mean changing your entire approach - it's about knowing when to utilise coaching alongside other skills like giving feedback, delegating effectively, setting direction and setting goals.
For busy action orientated leaders who are constantly focused on what's next - and getting there fast - slowing down, and taking five minutes to coach instead of one minute to tell - can be easier said than done.
However, it's a necessary skill for all leaders today to fostering growth, empowerment and self sufficiency within your team.
To help you give your coaching skills a pump, the five prompts and tools below will get you started:
Reflect: Each of us has a natural leadership style that can help, and at times hinder. Think about your natural, default approach:
How often do you solve problems for others without letting them find their own solution?
What motivates you to do that instead of letting those around you find their own?
In what ways can you shift from a telling to a coaching mindset?
Focus: Think about the one to one interactions that you’ve had this week. In fact, choose one.
If you were watching the conversation from above, what would you have noticed?
What proportion of the time did you spend talking and sharing your opinion?
How many open and inquisitive questions did you ask?
On a scale of 1-10 how deeply did you listen?
If you were to do a re-run what would you choose to do more of or less of?
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Listen: When you’re busy, it’s natural to listen for the minimum of what you need to know so that you can move onto the next thing.
Sometimes that’s all that’s needed, but really listening deeper to understand what’s going on can be game changing. Listening is not the same as hearing. When someone is totally with you, leaning in, hooked on every word you are saying - that’s rare in life, and even rarer in business.
Yet people open up when they know they’re really being listened to. They feel safer and trust grows. You feel special and important; valued and engaged. Really listening is what makes the other person feel heard.
There is a huge opportunity for business leaders who want to listen more.
What one thing most gets in the way of you listening deeply, even in short interactions?
What tiny change would have a disproportionately large impact on improving your listening technique?
What can you do to start today?
Read this for more:
Open: Conversations with team members typically begin with the more senior person outlining the agenda. Instead try flipping it and passing the baton to your team member. You’ll find out what really matters to the other person before you stride in with your agenda.
Ask them, “what’s on your list today?” or “what would you like to get out of the time we have together?” before you add any additional items you want to cover. Then ask them, “where would you like to begin?”
Think about the meetings you’ll have today, tomorrow or next week:
What opportunities exist for you to experiment with more coaching techniques?
What specifically will you do?
What will you need to prepare and do to make sure it happens?
Flow: Many coaching models exist that can help you structure your questions and move from goal to action. GROW is by far the simplest and widest known; an acronym for goals, reality, options and way forward. Using this structure for a deep dive in a one to one can be incredibly useful as a guide - either to guide your questioning or as a tool to work through openly together with your team member.
Below you’ll find 20 simple questions that you can use to coach yourself, your team member or your team through a knotty issue. There’s a free downloadable PDF beneath it.
If you’ve found this week’s issue thought provoking please hit the ❤️ button at the top of this email so that more leaders can find it.
