How To Be A More Open Leader

Openness, vulnerability and hangovers

Oct 12, 2023

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How often do you share genuine information about yourself with those you lead?

Open relationships are the foundation of trusted connected teams - and for those teams who don’t see each other in person often, they’re even more essential.

Yet leaders who are comfortable showing openness with their team are rarer than you might think.

A large scale survey in 2021 found that a only 39% of employees said their leader displayed openness regularly, and further still only 24% said their leaders gave insight into their vulnerabilities.

It is clear that there’s a huge opportunity for leaders who are prepared to be more open.

Employees say they are feel significantly more creative, dedicated, and willing to go “above and beyond” when they view their leader as displaying openness more frequently.

And leaders who are open with their teams are trusted more, develop deeper relationships and are also seen as having more charisma.

Importantly, being open doesn’t mean being transparent.

Instead, open leaders share a little of themselves with their teams, so they can understand who you are, what you like, what you don’t like and how you might react; and why.

You might intentionally share how you like to work, what preferences you have when it comes to email, meetings, feedback. Or it might be being open about how you are feeling and your emotions surrounding a situation that you’re in. Judgement of course is key.

But it might also be so simple as sharing more about you; what you love doing at the weekend, what interests you have and what’s going on in your life right now.

Being open doesn’t mean you need to diarise a two hour ‘openness’ meeting, simply being aware of how you are creating opportunities to help your team learn about you, throughout the interactions you already have.

To ask questions of those you work with and share a little in return.

Yet knowing is different to doing.

Even if you understand the importance of being open with your team, learning how to demonstrate it and making it a priority can prove tough.

One of the biggest challenges for leaders who enjoy a sense of achievement, is that taking the time to share something about themselves with their team doesn’t (at least in the short term) generate results or lead to immediate action.

So if you’re heads down and focussed on driving your business area forward, it often falls into the ‘nice to do’ category. If you’re constantly busy or striving for the next big challenge, it stays there.

Developing an open style of leadership is a long game.

It can also be a risky one.

If being more open with your team is something that you’re not accustomed to doing regularly, it can feel uncomfortable.

One of the big side effects of being more open about who you are is the fear of being judged.

Many leaders who I work with attribute their success to having delivered great programmes of work and having achieved a lot. Results are often visible, measurable and clear, and are in essence what you are known for.

Sharing part of yourself, beyond ‘what’ you are good at, risks exposing this success. And it can lead to the question of whether people will think differently about you as a leader because of it.

Because everyone has preconceptions.

As humans, we have competing needs “to build connection with other people by being our real selves, but also to conform to social norms, like not sharing too much,”
Emma Seppala, Science Director, Stanford University

But it is a risk worth taking. Employees want to know their leaders better. And when you are open with your team, they will be open with you.

Open leaders, are, research tells us, even better leaders.

Here are four things to help you continue being one of them.

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Lead: Everyone has different degrees to which we are prepared to share openly about ourselves.

If you are more private, or prefer a degree of discretion over what you share, you may not want to talk openly about life beyond work, and when you do it might take more conscious energy and effort. Alternatively, you may be a leader who will quite comfortably talk with those you lead about how you feel, whether it be excitement or anguish.

Whatever your natural preference, it will influence how you lead and in turn set the tone for the rest of your business.

Think about your leaders as a collective.

How open would you say you are as a leadership team?
What would those you lead say if asked the same?
What impact does this have (and how do you see it permeating in the rest of the business?)

Flex: Those you lead don’t need to know everything about you, but just as many people enjoy getting a glimmer into the mind and life of their heroes, sportspeople and film stars, teams enjoy learning about those they look up to (and that includes you, their leader).

So if you want to create a culture of openness and trust, you need to personally lead by example. Take a moment and think:

On a scale of 1-10 (one being too little, ten being too much), how much would your team say they know about the ‘real’ you?
Where are you holding back too rigidly?
Where do you over share?

Strategise: Sharing who you are and being open with your team is important. But, rather than being like a celebrity who wants to share their lives.. until they decide they don’t, think ahead and be consistent. Share in a way that is sustainable and comfortable for you.

If being open is something that you need to work on, you have a fantastic opportunity to be able to strategise how you do it, before you practice.

What principles would you use to guide in you in deciding to share and what to not share?
How do you want others to perceive your leadership when it comes to a level of openness?
What feedback can you get as you start to make changes?

Mitigate: If sharing more about yourself is challenging for you, it will naturally feel uncomfortable when you start. Brené Brown uses the term ‘vulnerability hangover’ to describe moments where you’ve perhaps shared more than you intended or where you’re now questioning in hindsight what you revealed.

From a learning perspective, a vulnerability hangover may well be a good thing; it’s a clear signal that you stepped beyond your comfort zone. And it can be a useful prompt on which to reflect and hone.

This piece in the New York Times, has some useful tips on How to Nurse an Oversharing Hanover - and they apply well to leaders.

Design: Today there are a myriad of mediums that you can use to help those around you get to know you, beyond the scope of your personal interactions.

Social media is a fantastic tool. But it isn’t necessary. Some of the most successful business leaders I work with have never had a social media account and remain among the best connected, relationship focussed leaders I know - whilst others are constantly ‘on’ social media but rarely use them to develop more open deeper relationships.

Whatever medium you choose, you have the opportunity to design your own personal leadership engagement strategy - rather than simply following the majority - and using what works for you long term.

Imagine you are starting from scratch.