What are you compensating for?
When your strengths become distorted
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Some of the most confusing moments in leadership happen when someone tries not to be who they are.
You’ve likely seen it. A leader who’s naturally clear and to the point needs to deliver a tough message. They know their style can land firmly. So they try to soften it. They wrap their words in careful phrasing, second-guess their tone, and bend themselves out of shape trying to come across differently. But in doing so, they end up being unclear - and the message gets lost.
Instead of being too blunt, they become vague. And what the other person walks away with isn’t reassurance, it’s confusion.
This is the trap of overcompensating. It happens when leaders try so hard to counter a perceived weakness in their style that they end up creating a new one. And often, it starts from a good place.
Leaders are trying to be aware of how they come across, trying to manage impact. Those leaders who have a tendency for directness, knowing they don’t want to bulldoze people or come across as cold. So they hold back. They soften their words. They use language that doesn’t quite sound like them. But instead of improving the message, they blur it. And unclear leadership is unhelpful leadership.
It doesn’t only happen with straight talkers. Leaders who are naturally reflective and careful with their words can fall into the same trap, just in reverse - pushing themselves to be more assertive. They speak more sharply than usual or make fast decisions without process. And while the action might look right, it doesn’t feel grounded, not to them, and not to the people around them.
That’s the thing about overcompensating. You lose your natural authority because you’re trying to sound like someone else. And even if people can’t name it, they feel the mismatch.
There’s a big difference between adapting your style and performing a different one. Adaptability is about using your strengths with awareness - not abandoning them. If you’re naturally direct, your work is to stay clear while also showing care. If you’re naturally reflective, your work is to share your thinking in a timely, actionable way. It’s not about swinging to the other extreme. It’s about flexing just enough, with intent.
This is the leadership sweet spot; staying rooted in who you are while expanding how you show up.
It’s often a fine line - and it can take practice to notice when you’ve stepped over it.
Here are few clues that you might be overcompensating:
You finish a conversation thinking “I don’t think I really said what I meant.”
You use twice as many words as usual and still feel misunderstood
You act in a way that gets the outcome, but doesn’t feel aligned with your usual style
You get feedback that your message didn’t land, or landed differently than intended
Over time, these moments chip away at trust - both in yourself and from others. That’s why this matters.
None of this makes you a bad leader, but it might be a signal to pause and reset. Because over time, these patterns can erode your own confidence and make it harder for others to follow you.
When you can stay connected to your natural way of leading and stay open to adjusting it - that’s when leadership becomes both clear and credible.
Reflect: Even experienced leaders can find themselves second-guessing how they come across. The pressure to get it right or not repeat a past mistake can lead to over-editing ourselves in ways that don’t help.
What situations tend to trigger you to overthink or hold back your natural style?
When have you left a conversation knowing you didn’t quite say what you meant?
What feedback have you received that could give you clues as to where you could optimise more of your natural approach?
Scale: This shows up in teams, too. When people are trying hard to say the right thing, they can lose the clarity or intent behind their message - and that affects how they work together.
Where might those in your team be trying to compensate for something they’re unsure about?
What signals do people pick up about how open and honest it’s safe to be?
What conversations might help the team tune into both intent and impact?
Grow: When overcompensating becomes a pattern, it can quietly shape the culture: people start masking, second-guessing, or performing. That takes energy away from real conversations and decisions.
What are the unspoken pressures in your organisation that might be shaping how people show up?
Where might good intentions be leading to unclear or inconsistent leadership signals?
What kind of environment would allow people to bring more of their natural strengths, with less second-guessing?
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