The Practical Challenge of Building Strategic Peer Relationships
Building Sustainable Success Through Stakeholder Relationships (Part 2)
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Last week, I wrote about stakeholder relationships and how, for many of the clients I work with, it often doesn’t come instinctively - or sit at the top of their list - to build peer relationships purely for what they perceive to be the sake of it. It takes work.
And when leaders are part of a busy leadership team focused on getting the job done, it can make it even harder.
You can read the first part of this mini series here:
Building effective peer relationships is essential for building alignment across an organisation, ensuring buy-in from everyone involved in making a vision a reality - both from a task and an emotional perspective.
Creating alignment like this requires ongoing communication. In fact, the failure to get something done often has more to do with a lack of alignment than with the effort put into it. For busy leaders, relationship building can feel like just another item on their to-do list. Instead, it must be seen as an ongoing priority requiring a deep investment of time and energy.
Knowing where to start, practically, is one of the questions that often emerges.
Leaders may feel embarrassed about how to go about scheduling impromptu coffees with their peers over time and what they should discuss to provide mutual value. They fear being seen as inauthentic or wasting someone's time.
Consider Claire, a CMO who has been in this position. Focused on getting her team to execute and working with her boss, she hasn’t invested in building peer relationships with those on her team - her CFO, CTO, and CHRO - as much as she knows she could have.
She has their respect, and they get along from a work perspective, but often the only time they hear about each other's plans is in executive meetings. This means she has occasionally been challenged about her plans in meetings, rather than ensuring everyone was aligned beforehand. And this has slowed down her teams execution.
Importantly this piece isn’t about advocating for pre-meetings - which are a good use of no one’s time - and are often a symptom of deeper long term organisational mis-alignment.
Instead it’s about acknowledging that at a senior level, relationships and ensuring alignment across the organisation require ongoing investment in time and relationship building with peers.
But how to do it is the question. Claire felt a sense of imposter syndrome, making her want to be doubly sure that she wasn’t wasting her peers' time. In fact many leaders can struggle with how to approach building relationships with peers when there is no immediate pressing agenda to discuss. And like Claire, they fear coming across as inauthentic or as if they are trying too hard.
So how do you approach building relationships with peers when there is no real immediate and pressing agenda to discuss?
It starts with recognising that leadership is not just about getting tasks done; it's also about building the relational foundation that supports effective collaboration and alignment. For leaders who don’t naturally prioritise relationship building, this can be a difficult and uncomfortable process.
However, recognising the importance of these relationships and committing to the time and effort required can lead to more cohesive and successful teams.
To help you prepare yourself well, read on.
Prepare: When you’re intentionally building relationships with peers, take your time and prepare beforehand. It sounds simple, yet most busy leaders land in a conversation and navigate it as they go. But as the adage goes, you get out what you put in. So put in some preparation beforehand, even if you’re just meeting for a quick informal coffee.
Think about:
What previous common ground already exists that you can build from?
What is your current biggest ELT goal and where are the intersections between your world and theirs?
What shared priorities, passions or business interests do you have?
Give and Take: Having a good set of genuinely curious questions to fall back on can be a great way to get the other person talking and opening up. You appear interested in their world, and combined with some deep listening is where you will make an impact.
However be prepared for what you are going to share with them too. Relationships are built on mutual exchanges of attention and information, so know what you can share with them and why.
What current priorities do you have that they may appreciate a heads up on?
What intel are you sighted on, from your unique position in the organisation?
What insight or perspectives could be genuinely useful to this person, right now?
Empathise: For deeper preparation, really think about this quesiton; ‘Who am I attempting to build a relationship with?’
It goes beyond a name, and a job title. Who is this person, really?
What do you know about what motivates them? What can you deduce about the way they they operate - do they talk from the perspective of their instincts, logic, data, feelings, results, or relationships? What do they prioritise? What do they currently think, feel, and believe?
The difference between influencing and manipulating is empathy. And to have empathy you need to understand, be aware of, and be sensitive to where the other person is coming from and their, thoughts, priorities and experiences.
Relationship building will always be ineffective when approached only from your point of view. So as you start to build relationships keep in mind it’s not just about the job.
Ask: One way to start building trust in a relationship is to show a little vulnerability and ask for feedback. Peer relationships are an excellent opportunity to gather input and feedback on your priorities, your team and your own leadership style. But asking for feedback can often be a tumbleweed moment and conversation closer.
But instead of asking for feedback, ask for advice. Harvard Business School identified that when asked to provide advice, people focussed less on evaluation and more on possible future actions, rather than critique.
Read more about how to do that here:
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