The Power of "I don't know"
Having the courage to ask for help
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Some of the most dangerous moments in leadership happen when people pretend to know what they don’t.
It’s not usually about ego or arrogance. It’s often more subtle: a fear of being found out, a pressure to seem competent, a desire not to lose people’s trust. But the irony is, pretending to know chips away at the very thing you're trying to protect - your credibility.
Throughout our careers, we’re rewarded for competence. We get promoted for having answers, for being reliable, for delivering brilliant results.
So it makes sense that many leaders, especially those who’ve been high performers at the top of their field, find it hard to say, “I don’t know.” It doesn’t feel natural - or safe.
But the higher up you go, the more essential this becomes.
Because as a senior leader, two things are always true:
You will be responsible for areas of the business you’re not an expert in.
You’ll be facing a pace of change that makes it impossible to know everything.
The leaders who thrive aren’t the ones who cover their gaps or pretend. They’re the ones who stay open - who can say “this is unfamiliar,” name what they don’t yet know, seek out input, test ideas, learn fast, and keep adjusting.
They move in a kind of leadership learning loop: noticing, identifying, seeking, integrating, and repeating. It’s not a sign of weakness - it’s a modern leadership learning muscle. And for many, it is a muscle that needs building.
In one executive team I work with, is a leader who is widely recognised in her company as one of the best performers in her field. Having recently stepped up into a bigger and broader leadership role, and it’s clear that it requires operating in a way that doesn’t come naturally to her, and where there are challenges she hasn’t encountered before. This isn’t the issue (because this is normal). The issue is, she’s not saying so. And because she’s not asking for help, she’s becoming stuck - and is now starting to be seen as under-delivering in a role that everyone around her believes that she really could do. Her silence is now a risk - to her confidence, her team, the results she’s trying to deliver - and ultimately, her career.
This is exactly where leadership identity can get in the way. If you’ve spent years being the person others look to for answers - and feeling confident that you have then - it can feel threatening to admit when you’re out of your depth.
But asking for help isn’t a weakness. It’s a sign of self-awareness, humility and strength. It shows you're learning, and have a growth mindset. That you are open, not defensive. And that builds more trust, not less.
Just as importantly, it role-models something vital to your team. If they see you hiding uncertainty or pretending to know, they’ll do the same. And that’s a problem - because it shuts down learning, and it keeps you blind to issues until it’s too late.
But if you make it normal to ask questions, seek advice, and admit what doesn’t come naturally to you, you create a culture of openness and growth. And this is what helps teams and businesses get better, faster.
Here are three things to consider to help you get started.
Reflect: There’s a quiet pressure in leadership to have the answers. Many of us have built our careers on being competent and capable - so admitting we need help can feel like failure. But over time, the instinct to appear confident can quietly harden into a habit of self-protection. Real leadership begins when we choose curiosity over certainty.
When are you most tempted to act like you know - even when you don’t?
What would it take for you to say, “I’m not sure - but I’d like to learn”?
What might open up if you saw asking for input as a strength, not a risk?
Explore: Your team watches how you navigate new issues. If you avoid admitting what you don’t know, they likely will too. But when you make it safe to say, “I need help,” you create room for honesty, shared problem-solving, and faster growth - together.
What signals do you give your team about what’s safe to say?
Where might someone on your team be struggling in silence - and what permission do they need to speak up?
What could you say or model this week to normalise asking for help?
Scale: The habits you reward, role-model, or ignore at the top ripple through the culture. Over time, they shape what gets shared, what gets hidden, and how people show up. If your default is to project certainty, others will follow suit — and your organisation may end up stuck in surface-level confidence, rather than deep capability.
What culture are you creating through how you handle not knowing?
How would your organisation benefit from more openness, shared learning, and humility?
If your leadership style set the tone for the next generation, what would you want them to copy - and what might you hope they’d change?
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