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It can be lonely at the top. It’s a sentiment commonly shared by many leaders, and just one of the reasons why so many leaders now engage with coaches who provide an impartial and completely unbiased sounding board.
When you’re at the top of an organisation or department, the landscape changes. Statistically speaking you’ll have fewer people at your level and fewer peers to rely on. Your relationships with those you lead change as you rise, and the shift from being a peer and friend among many to being the leader - the boss - can be a challenge, especially for those promoted from within.
No one else has the insight that you do, or can give you the answers you need. And it is your neck on the line if something goes awry.
For leaders overseeing distributed teams from home, this loneliness can be magnified.
Being able to work from wherever you are is wonderful, but there are downsides. And for people who draw their energy from those around them, working from your home office can, at times, feel too much.
It’s an issue that Daniel, a client of mine, is feeling right now. After his company made the decision to move to fully remote operations post-pandemic, he loved the idea. He has been able to work while he took an extended workcation in Italy and loves not needing to commute when he’s working from home (he lives in an awesome part of his city), meaning he can go to the gym early and get outside at lunch - which he rarely did when he worked in the city.
You’ll note I used the word ‘can’ here. Because Daniel also loves his job, and living alone, he’s started to get into the habit of moving seamlessly from bedroom, bathroom, kitchen to desk almost on autopilot every morning. He’s eating his lunch at his desk and getting to the end of the day feeling exhausted. During one session, he shared that he hadn’t left the house for five days.
Despite having one of the best cities in his country right on his doorstep, Daniel found himself trapped in a cycle of isolation.
Patterns and habits like this can soon creep up on even the best intentioned of us.
Yet, they rarely result in us performing at our best or leading the life we really want to be living - or role modelling the kind of behaviour we want to see in our teams.
Loneliness is the suffering of our time. Even when we’re surrounded by others, we can feel very alone.
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Art of Communicating
Being physically isolated is thankfully no longer something we need to do, however when the allure of productivity is pulling you towards your desk, it is easy to succumb.
And for leaders the impact of being physically isolated can unintentionally multiply the feeling of being structurally isolated.
The challenge is that there is often a lot of flexibility within the leadership role to put in place the support that you need to have around you. And the same goes for flexibility with where and how you work too. But with flexibility comes a need for discipline and accountability. In fact, when the level of flexibility increases, so too does the need for discipline.
For leaders who enjoy a sense of achievement, it can be tempting to prioritise getting things done, over building deep connective relationships and having real conversations with people - just for the sake of it - every day.
But only you are responsible for ensuring that you are disciplined enough to know what support systems and frameworks around you to work at your best.
Leadership, and working from home remotely can feel solitary sometimes, but it doesn’t have to be.
Here are four short thought provokers to help you lead well, with the support you need.
Review: Moving to remote work, where more interactions happen a-sync and without face-to-face or even voice-to-voice contact has changed the dynamics of workplace interactions. Take a moment and reflect on the way your communication habits have evolved, either intentionally or subconsciously:
What changes have you noticed in your communication habits since transitioning to remote work?
What communication strategies or tools have been particularly effective for maintaining connections with your team, and peers?
What steps can you take to ensure that your remote communication habits support effective collaboration and relationship-building, even better in future?
Design: Effective leadership often involves striking a balance between productivity and investing in building meaningful connections. And the strategies that you employ to prioritise building relationships, whilst also ensuring you deliver on your vision are down to you. Reflect on the current week:
How much of your time have you prioritised towards building relationships versus getting things done?
What adjustments could you make to strike a better balance between productivity and relationship-building?
What would that balance feel like at the end of the week?
Build: Leadership is not a solo sport. Who you surround yourself with, who you share your challenges with, and who you take advice from, will shape the leader you become. Building a diverse team of people who you can trust, with different skills, perspectives, and experiences to the table doesn’t happen by chance.
It requires intentional strategic design and regular nurturing. And only you can do that.
Think about those who you do have right now around you
Who do you have in your corner, who you can ask for help when you need it?
What can you do more of to cultivate the supportive relationships you want?
What two things can you do to make it easier for those around you to help you in the future?
Review: Some tasks and days will definitely call for being in ‘heads-down’ mode, when work happens best without anyone around, and with no distractions. But it can be far to easy when working remotely and in a-sync for interactions to be limited to teams chats and slack.
What does an optimum day look like for you, in terms of the interactions that you have?
How many person to person conversations would you like to have?
What would be an early warning sign that your habits are tipping into an adverse way?
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