The Impatient Leader
The Fine Line Between Drive and Impatience
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In my practice, I work with clients who are driven, ambitious, and always moving forward. These are people who have a clear vision, and they know that with enough determination, drive, and tenacity, they can achieve just about anything. And the wonderful thing is that they have these qualities in spades.
But every strength has the potential to become our weakness. This same determination often comes with a pattern of impatience - both with the people and the world around them and, perhaps more critically, with themselves. When expectations aren't met as quickly as they'd like, frustration quickly follows. And in today's rocket speed, achievement-oriented world, impatience is becoming all too common.
The drive to succeed can so easily morph into impatience, that leads eventually to agitation. The result? You're not at your best. And this doesn't bode well for leadership, decision-making, or relationships with those around you.
The challenge is that working with others doesn’t always mean working with people who share your pace or your appetite for action. Resilient, high-performing teams need people who know when slowing down will actually help you speed up - those who are patient, calm, and take the time to ensure everyone is on board and feels supported.
This doesn’t come naturally for those who are fast-paced and results-driven. But it is crucial.
On a good day, results-driven leaders are known for their ability to initiate action and maintain momentum. They instil a sense of urgency and push their teams to reach deadlines and achieve results quickly.
But when things aren't going well, those same leaders may well be perceived as having a lack of concern for others, being insensitive, and having a desire to get things done, over all else.
This is something Mark, a COO in a US/EU based scale-up, has become increasingly conscious of. Mark's role requires him to oversee operational delivery and strategy across his company. He joined the business 12 months ago, knowing there was a huge step change to make. Yet, he's growing impatient with what he perceives to be his colleagues’ ability to help him get there.
"I know how good we could be, but it feels like my peers are more focused on their own teams rather than thinking strategically across the company. I know it will take time, but it often feels like I’m on my own - that no one else gets it or cares. I can feel myself getting so frustrated and impatient - both with my colleagues but more so with myself because I know I should have made more progress.
His heart races, his breathing quickens, and he's quicker to criticise - both himself and others - when he feels this way. And he knows it is becoming more and more visible to those around him.
Mark may never fully stop feeling impatient, but he can become more aware of it and choose how it affects him and what he does with it. Meditation and micro periods of breath work are both tools that he is experimenting with to create space and detachment - which he hopes will help him build his patience in both the immediate and long term.
Because the good news is that you can learn to manage your impatience - with yourself, your circumstances and with others - in all aspects of your life. And it will lead to improved relationships, better decision-making, and a more balanced approach to achieving your goals.
So how do you begin to manage your impatience when things aren’t going the way you want?
Read on. ⤵️
Reflect: Awareness is always the starting point. Think for a moment.
When you’re at your best, on a scale of 1-10 how impatient are you?
On the same scale, how impatient are you on a bad day and when things aren’t going how you want?
What do you want it to be?
What would that make possible?
Notice: Complete the following two sentences:
When my impatience is growing, the behaviours those around me will see are…
When my impatience is growing the feeling I feel inside is…
Prepare: Take a moment and reflect on when you last felt your impatience brooding, and what led to it. Because the root causes of your impatience are key to managing it effectively. By identifying your personal triggers, you can develop strategies to respond more calmly and thoughtfully.
What specific situations or triggers tend to ignite your impatience the most?
What are the underlying beliefs or fears that might be driving your impatience in these moments?
What two things can you do to address these triggers proactively, so that you can remain calm and composed even when things don’t go as you think they should?
Manage: When you think about managing impatience, it's helpful to reflect on what has worked for you before. Understanding your past successes in self-management can provide insights into what strategies you might need to revisit or refine.
What techniques have you used in the past to manage difficult emotions effectively?
What were the specific situations where you were able to maintain calm and patience, even under pressure?
What can you learn from both of these experiences?
Lead: Leadership teams play a critical role in setting the tone for the entire organisation. For those you lead, if impatience is driving the culture, it’s worth exploring what can be done to shift it towards a more balanced approach.
What behaviours and attitudes within your leadership team are contributing to a culture of impatience?
What impact does this impatience have on your team's decision-making, collaboration, and overall performance?
What would a high achieving and patient culture, be like?
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