Mastering Tough Feedback (Part 1): How does your leadership style help and hinder you?
How does your leadership style help and hinder you?
“Our people system just isn’t working” confided Patrick, one of my clients, recently.
Patrick is frustrated. “I wanted a platform that makes life easier for our managers, but my Head of People just doesn’t seem to appreciate that it still doesn’t work for a big part of our business”.
Patrick, the CEO of a small UK-based marketing company, is keen to scale his business and operate internationally.
However, he faces the challenge of finding systems that can grow alongside his company. Being the founder and owner, he holds the power to make the necessary decisions.
But reflecting on the situation, Patrick confessed “I need to be clearer that things just aren’t working. I don’t think I’ve done that as explicitly as I’ve needed to”
This realisation came after a long pause, when I asked, "What did your Head of People say when you told them?"
While Patrick is results-focused, he also values positivity and empathy, aiming to empower his senior team. However, these qualities sometimes hinder his ability to deliver direct feedback.
Delivering tough feedback doesn't come naturally, and he finds it uncomfortable for both himself and the recipient.
Nevertheless, even the most experienced leaders can always learn and improve.
Overcoming the obstacles to giving tough feedback is a personal journey for each leader. And what impedes Patrick will likely differ from the challenges faced by others.
You might be someone who deeply cares about your team's well-being, concerned that tough feedback may hurt them. Or on the other hand, maybe your direct tendencies lead you to overcompensate and lead you to beat around the bush a just little too much.
Nevertheless, being able to provide clear feedback is the hallmark of a leader with excellent communication skills.
And as a leader you must be able to give clear, direct and honest feedback which may require adapting your natural style and stepping out of your comfort zone.
In this first part of a four-part series, we’ll delve into how your personal leadership style influences the way you give feedback.
By reflecting on your own style, you can gain insights into how it shapes your feedback delivery and we’ll explore four key points that Patrick and I discussed during our coaching session.
In the second part of this series, next week we’ll explore strategies to adapt your feedback style to better suit the preferences of others. Because feedback is not a one-way street, and understanding both yourself and those around you is essential.
So, if you're looking to enhance your ability to provide direct yet appropriate feedback, keep reading.
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Reflect: Start with a moment of reflection. Think about how you naturally give tough feedback to those around you. Draw on a recent example if it is useful.
What specifically comes easily to you?
What do you do too much of?
What do you do too little of?
Understand: Every leader has preferences and priorities that drive the way that you lead. These carry through into what you say, how you act and what you focus your attention on.
Perhaps the facts matter most to you, maybe you focus on the results, fairness or the impact on your people.
What are the most important things to you in the way that you lead?
How do your personal preferences influence the words you say when you give feedback to others?
How does your leadership style drive how you deliver tough feedback?
Feel: When it doesn’t come naturally, giving tough feedback can be stress inducing.
And stress can manifest in your body as well as in your mind. Heart racing, sweaty palms, talking faster than usual. Even the thought of giving someone difficult feedback, can trigger a reaction.
How do you feel when you’re preparing to give a tough message?
What happens in your body when you are having the conversation?
What would a sense of calm make possible for you?
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Review: To get better at giving feedback, ask for feedback. Because unless you have a camera observing you, giving feedback isn’t something that can be easily self assessed.
Tap into those you trust, and who you’ve given difficult messages to previously and ask them:
What words would you use to describe the way I deliver tough messages?
What can I do to communicate more directly when I need to?
What one thing would immediately have more impact?