Getting Comfortable With Conflict
Healthy conflict, hybrid challenges and the conflict continuum.
Photo by Frank Busch on Unsplash
Hybrid working offers wonderful opportunities for healthy cohesive teams. Yet it can also be a breeding ground for miscommunication, misinformation and misunderstanding.
In a remote world conflict is less visible. Small disagreements previously observable in an office environment, become harder to pick up when they’re taking place over Teams channels, email and Slack.
Research shows that most remote teams and individuals are experiencing conflict, whether or not they share it with you - and for 65% it’s typically with co-workers rather than anyone else.
The impact on business is tremendous.
70 percent of managers say that interpersonal conflict negatively impacts efficiency
The average manager spends 13 hours per month dealing with conflict.
40 percent of workers have left a job as a direct result of unhealthy interpersonal conflict.
These stats don’t paint conflict in a positive light. But not all conflict is a bad thing.
In fact organisations and teams need conflict.
The challenge is that you’ve likely grown up believing that conflict is at best to be minimised and at worst, avoided.
But the best leaders know that conflict is a critical characteristic in a healthy team; if it is handled productively.
So how do you learn to handle disagreements well, and help your team get comfortable with productive conflict?
Here are seven things to get you started.
Model: Patrick Lencioni developed the concept of the Conflict Continuum, underpinning the belief that conflict doesn’t have to result in fighting or the destruction of relationships. It’s simply learning how to disagree and handle disagreements well, so that they become productive. Watch this 2 minute clip of Patrick describing where most businesses find themselves on this spectrum and why it matters.
Where is your leadership team on this spectrum of conflict?
What are you holding back that could help you move forward?
What opportunities could introducing more openness and conflict open up?
Togetherness: I love this concept which has been captured brilliantly by Liz and Mollie. Working remotely you can’t literally pick your chair up and move to the same side of the table, but what you can do is shift your approach when something sticky starts to arise.
Strategise: Liane Davey has some excellent Conflict Management Strategies for Nice People in her piece for Harvard Business Review here:
Identify your trigger: Conflict doesn’t come with a ‘conflict’ label. And small disagreements or unintended words can prove as challenging as a full blown argument. Often the first signs of conflict on the horizon are your emotions and behaviour. You may find yourself feeling impatient, being sarcastic, gossiping exaggerating or wanting to withdraw.
“Conflict brings out some pretty erratic, counter-productive, and often downright uncharacteristic behaviour in us. It taps into our primal impulses in a way that few other situations can”.
Wiley
What behavioural tendencies do you have when you start to sense conflict?
How does that manifest itself in the way you feel, and the impact you have on others?
How can you use the awareness of these emotions to identify early signs of conflict and take early action to nip it in the bud?
Trust: For conflict to be productive it requires a basis of trust. So how can you build trust between those in your business? Read this:
Reflect: Complete this sentence.
“I avoid conflict because……
Then ask yourself. How does this serve you? And how does it serve those you lead?
Watch: Amy E. Gallo talk about why Conflict is a Gift. Amy spent three years researching conflict. Here she shares the deeply personal and damaging downsides of staying silent and how to speak up with compassion and kindness, as well as a neat mantra to keep with you (15 mins)
If need help understanding how to strengthen your leadership skills in these VUCA days send a quick note to me at rebecca@rebeccajjackson.com and I’ll help you move forward. Meantime, thanks for reading this.
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With thanks,
Rebecca